Ten 2011 movies I could take or leave – preferably leave

Plagued with a truly incomprehensible taste in cinema, I often find myself at odds with the general consensus – Hollywood’s primary audience. Often finding myself bemused as I sell ticket after ticket to the latest Adam Sandler or spoof movie, I more often than not find myself frustrated by the popularity of cinematic do-do. Back in 2010 the primary culprits were Grown Ups, Due Date and Machete – three movies that, despite their undeniable popularity, I just could’t get on board with. As such, here is a list of ten upcoming movies that I could take or leave, from what I have heard and been told I just cannot feel enthusiastic about. A sister list to my Ten 2011 movies that can not come quickly enough, this list is hopefully full of welcome surprises – I just seriously doubt it.

1. The Green Hornet

Having already seen Seth Rogen engage in unbelievable fight sequences during the bafflingly enjoyable Pineapple Express, I really have no interest in seeing his hero journey unfold on the big screen. A superhero I have never heard of, this comic-book movie looks plagued with the serial manchild’s infuriating lack of likeability.

2. Red Riding Hood

Advertised as Twilight with lycanthropes, Red Riding Hood looks set to neuter another movie monster (the werewolves in The Twilight Saga are not actually werewolves)  in favour of yet another wet teenage romance. With Amanda Seyfried taking a break from both writing and reading letters this year, she still looks far from rediscovering the watchability she oozed in Mamma Mia!.

3. Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides

My ass still numb from Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End, forgive me if the thought of watching Jack Sparrow stumble his way through another convoluted adventure leaves me cold. Not as intolerant of Orlando Bloom and Keira Knightly as the rest of creation, I still count second outing Dead Man’s Chest as my favourite in the series, the fear that they might have changed the formula too much following the disastrous final instalment preventing me from getting excited about this obvious cash-in.

4. The Hangover: Part 2

A reluctant fan of the 2009 original, the initial idea of a sequel had me salivating as much as the next man. With Due Date showing me just how irritating Zach Galifianakis could be, however, I live in dread that his character will recieve increased screentime in the sequel on account of his taste-defying success. My least favourite member of the ensemble, Alan’s determination to be as unsympathetic, juvenile and random as possible prevents me from giving the DVD as much screentime as I had expected when I bought it.

5. Green Lantern

Don’t get me wrong, I like Ryan Reynolds. I liked him in Buried despite the trouser-snake plot contrivance, in The Proposal despite Betty White and in Blade: Trinity despite everything else about it. I ever laughed in the trailer when he tells his one night stand there is water in the tap. The rest of the trailer, however, with its pomposity, bland FX and rubbish looking aliens reminded me just how much of a Marvel fan I am. DC just doesn’t have the same calibre of superheroes.

6. Transformers: Dark of the Moon

Is it any surprise that MICHAEL BAY’s latest explosion made it onto a list of least anticipated films of 2011? The last instalment in a decidedly crap franchise, Bay has promised that this one will finally focus on character – now that Megan Fox’s breasts are firmly out of the picture. With each movie introducing another legion of indiscriminate robots – each a blur of heavily pixilated cogs and pistons – Shia Labeouf has somewhat remarkably remained the most believable thing onscreen. Left cold by the original and comatose by the sequel, I would rather stick forks in my eyes than sit through another shitstorm of loud noise and not-so-special effects.

7. Cowboys and Aliens

Possibly the most hyped movie of 2011, this is undeniably going to be my Dark Knight of the year. A movie that will inevitably be universally adored despite all of its crippling flaws, the novel premise is not enough to get me excited about a Daniel Craig movie. We will deal with this nearer the time, but for now it is just important you know that I couldn’t care less.

8. Puss in Boots

After revolutionising the common fairytale with Shrek, DreamWorks started flogging their dead ogre immediately. With the second instalment only looking good in comparison with the third, it was left until 2010 before the studio had an idea worth committing to film. It is my firm belief that it all started to go wrong for Shrek, Donkey and Co. with the introduction of Antonio Banderas’ Puss in Boots, a character so unfunny that I almost forgot how to laugh. The prospect of two hours alone with Banderas’ womanising cat already has be doubting that Shrek the Third could really be that bad – can it?

9. The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part 1

While I wouldn’t get excited about any Twilight movie, Breaking Dawn has always looked the less appealing movie(s – don’t get me started) of the lot. With the vampire myth well and truly sullied, the stupidity of sparkling vampires and shirtless werewolves is Eclipsed (groan) by the content of Meyer’s overwhelmingly ridiculous book four. *Spoilers alert*.

With Bella Swan due to wind up preggers, Edward scheduled to finally – FINALLY – turn her into a vampire so she can quit her moaning and Jacob preparing to fall in love with the formers newborn baby hybrid, there might be something stupid enough to disguise the frowning, swooning and crippling lack of sexual tension.

10. Sherlock Holmes 2

Having enjoyed my first ever Guy Ritchie movie with RocknRolla, I was fooled into thinking the famed detective was in good hands. A slow motion bout of fisticuffs and the world’s least engaging mystery later, I realised just how wrong I’d been. While I will admit that there is a passing mention to martial arts in the books or whatever, I will not listen to your assurances that  Arthur Conan Doyle had written Sherlock Holmes as some sort of action hero. With Rachel McAdams’ Irene Adler proving the best thing in Sherlock Holmes, the news that she will most likely be absent from this needless sequel has killed any and all trace anticipation. Sorry Noomi Rapace, but no.


About popcornaddiction
I am a psychology graduate, a News Writer for HeyUGuys/BestforFilm and, most importantly, a hopeless popcorn addict.

2 Responses to Ten 2011 movies I could take or leave – preferably leave

  1. Pingback: January 2011 – It’s on like Donkey Kong « popcornaddict

  2. Pingback: Fails of the Year – 2011 « popcornaddict

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