Five Oscar predictions and why I hope they are wrong.

Every film journalist worth their salt has spent today making a checklist of their Oscar predictions, a near unanimous set of winners that once again fills me with dread, and leaves me longing for less predictable times.

Rather than dealing with each award in turn (there are, like, loads!) and duplicating said list once more, I have instead opted to make five simple predictions along with the reasons that I will throw things when they inevitably come to pass.

You see, the academy and I rarely see eye to eye; last year, for example, a considerable number of the chosen winners sent me into a rabbid frenzy (The Hurt Locker for best film? Up for best animation? Are you friggin’ kidding me?). This, then, is my last chance to voice my disagreement and lull myself into a fraudulant belief that I have done all I can to change Hollywood’s mind.

1) Inception will win everything.

There was universal outrage earlier this year when the nominees were announced. “Where’s Inception?” cried a legion of Nolanite’s in unison as Inception was only nominated for a handful of awards (it got best picture, what more do you want?), their blind assurance that it was, like, the best film ever falling on decidedly deaf ears. It was an alright blockbuster that didn’t treat its audience like lesser primates, not the most intelligent movie ever made.

It was humourless, pretentious and hugely unambitious. As a movie set in the realm of the imagination it was notably unimaginative – wow, a train…is that really all you’ve got? A Nightmare on Elm Street made better use of its dream setting and it was shit!

2) Toy Story 3 will win best animation.

Are you kidding me? Sure Toy Story 3 was an undoubtedly worthy addition to the Toy Story franchise but was that ever really in doubt? Not to sound ungrateful, but isn’t the whole point of awarding best animation to single out the single greatest animated movie of the year, regardless of whether or not it was directed by Pixar? It was bad enough when Up won the category last year, but to grant another ‘good’ Pixar movie with this accolade is to do their better offerings a huge disservice. Toy Story 3 was fine but it was as much the greatest Pixar movie ever made as it was the best animated movie of 2010. Last year, as you well know, had its very own Wall-E.

I don’t care what the judges say, How to Train Your Dragon was the best animated movie of the year. As big a surprise to me as it no doubt was to you, How to Train Your Dragon blew me away with its utter perfection. Escaping DreamWorks’ penchant for inferior animation, it is all the more worthy of attention for its expectations-blowing majesty.

3) Christopher Bale is going to win Best Supporting Actor for The Fighter.

So Christian Bale can imitate mannerisms, whoop-de-doo. Is it not bad enough that the man recieved undeserved praise for growling on cue for The Dark Knight? Must he really rob John Hawkes, Geoffrey Rush and Mark Ruffalo of the actor in a supporting role award (I’d include Jeremy Renner if The Town had been any good at all)?

The Fighter was an incredibly average movie, complete awards-bait which only serves to illustrate how unimaginative and predictable the Academy Awards have become. Should the award have been for the least sympathetic supporting character since Jar Jar Binks, then I’d be as behind Bale as the rest of you are now. I have honestly never wanted a character to shut up more, Mark Wahlberg is trying to speak!

4) The Coen brothers will win best director.

First of all, there’s two of them. How exactly is that fair. Second of all, isn’t it bad enough that True Grit took up room in the cinematography category that is better deserved by David Yates’ Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part I? Third of all, what the Hell was so great about True Grit in the first place?

Sure they may have persuaded Jeff Bridges to “growl even less coherently”, but True Grit was as slow and uneventful as the very worst exercises in entertainment. Yes the kid acted bluntly, yes I believed that Matt Damon has bit his tongue, but is that really all that is required for a best director nomination? Where the Hell’s Danny Boyle!?

5) How to Train Your Dragon will not win best score.

Competing against serious movies such as Inception, The King’s Speech, 127 Hours and The Social Network, there is no way the academy award is going to go to a cartoon about dragons and a little viking named Hiccup. This is, of course, regardless of the fact that I have been humming How to Train Your Dragon‘s score since the first time I saw it on the big screen. The first time of five, that is.

In fact, the only other score I can actually call is that of Inceptions, a series of ominous fog horns that could have belonged to any Christopher Nolan movie to date. John Powell’s endlessly uplifting How to Train Your Dragon score, on the other hand, breathed so much life and originality into the movie that, in my opinion, it is easily on a par with the instantly recognisable Indiana Jones, James Bond, or Harry Potter themes.

So, reader, think of my hoarse exasperation as Inception cleans up everything but best director (HA!), Toy Story scoops best animation, Christian Bale picks up more undeserved recognition, the Coen brothers do their thing and How To Train Your Dragon falls victim to its own brilliance. Why am I watching the Oscars tonight? Masochism, apparently.

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About popcornaddiction
I am a psychology graduate, a News Writer for HeyUGuys/BestforFilm and, most importantly, a hopeless popcorn addict.

2 Responses to Five Oscar predictions and why I hope they are wrong.

  1. Pingback: The 83rd Academy Awards « popcornaddict

  2. Pingback: February 2011 – Do you know the “f” word? « popcornaddict

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