FILM NEWS: The Ministry Is Interfering At Hogwarts*

I didn’t vote Conservative. Just, you know, FYI. Like many in Scotland, I’d sooner vote one of those Chinese pandas into Parliament than consider entrusting the Torys with so much as a paddock at Edinburgh zoo, let alone the entire United Kingdom.

As I have watched our rubbery PM – the human equivalent of one of Finding Nemo‘s possessive seagulls – squint his way through government, disenfranchising people to the point where they’d happily saw their way out of his jurisdiction with whatever came to hand, my only solace has been that I can take comfort in my local cinema for a few hours of quiet escapism whenever it all got a bit too much. Or at least it was.

Not satisfied with sparking riots among hugged-out hoodies, or his party’s plans to run a train through hundreds of homes and generally prepare Britain for the coming apocalypse by single-arsedly shitting all over it, David Cameron has now got it into his shiny bonnet that British cinema simply isn’t lucrative enough in its current state, priced as it is at only £4 billion. Pauper money.

Seriously, despite such recent successes as Danny Boyle’s Slumdog Millionaire, Chris Morris’ Four Lions and this year’s The King’s Speech (not to mention the unprecedented impact of the Harry Potter franchise), Cameron apparently still feels the need to interfere. Discontent with merely abolishing the UK Film Council, the Prime Minister yesterday made an announcement at Pinewood Studios in advance of Lord Smith’s imminent review.

Our role, and that of the BFI, should be to support the sector in becoming even more dynamic and entrepreneurial, helping UK producers to make commercially successful pictures that rival the quality and impact of the best international productions. Just as the British Film Commission has played a crucial role in attracting the biggest and best international studios to produce their films here, so we must incentivise UK producers to chase new markets both here and overseas.”

Now, let’s skirt past the fact that he is addressing producers as opposed to directors, lest we go mad at the very thought of a British Jerry Bruckheimer, and focus instead on Cameron’s push for “commercially successful pictures that rival the quality and impact of the best international productions”.

Sure his mouth may say quality, but his eyes are clearly marked with bulging pound signs. Of course the British film industry – or whatever’s left of the British industry by the time Cameron’s finished with it (MINE!) – must continue to aim high if it is to sustain itself, but with The Inbetweeners Movie alone making in excess of £45 million at the box office, the British Film Institute is clearly managing fine without interference from the Eton elite.

God, you make a film about a politician and they suddenly think they own the place. I can just see it now: The Inbetw33nersLondon to Birmingham 3DHogwarts Revisited, I’m A Celebrity…Get Me Out Of Here: The Movie and the upcoming Keith Lemon debacle. Morgan Freeman help us.

*I realise that the Harry Potter series was primarily filmed at Leavesden Studios, but there were parts of the final two instalments that were filmed at Pinewood.

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About popcornaddiction
I am a psychology graduate, a News Writer for HeyUGuys/BestforFilm and, most importantly, a hopeless popcorn addict.

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