Ten 2015 Movies I Could Take Of Leave…Preferably Leave

Since starting to blanket watch the latest releases — first to better serve customers while working in a cinema and later to inspire reviews for this blog — I have seen an incredible amount of dreck. Every year is the same, and yet each year I continue to watch films I know full well will be terrible — either out of unrelenting optimism (nothing pleases me more a pleasant surprise) or some misplaced sense of professionalism (nobody’s going to reprimand me for missing the new Transformers). I have already written a list of the films I am most looking forward to in 2015, so here’s a list of the films I’m not looking forward to at all.

The Divergent Series: Insurgent

InsurgentThey say that there are only seven stories in fiction, but everyone knows that when it comes to the emergent Young Adult genre the one usually suffices. Even so, the first Divergent film seemed especially derivative, with its dystopian districts (or factions), its annual sorting assemblies (or Choosing Ceremonies) and crazy games (or whatever they call that zip-line thingy). The second film looks set to take things to whole new levels of incomprehensible, as the preposterously named Tris Prior is subjected to another round of nonsensical tests — this time in a bid to open a mysterious box.

Get Hard

Get HardJust as there are actors whose developing careers you follow with interest, there are those whose ongoing success you can’t quite explain. Last year the most inexplicable of all was Kevin Hart: star of such torturous tripe as Ride Along and About Last Night. Hart has a number of films out in 2015 — among them Top Five and The Wedding Ringer — but to date Get Hard looks to be the worst of the lot.

Hot Tub Time Machine 2

HTTM2The first Hot Tub Time Machine was a mess of hackneyed but ultimately wholesome 80s nostalgia and the sort of mean-spirited bilge that’s gone on to supercede jokes in 21st Century comedy. The trailer sees Rob Corddry (deservedly) shot in the crotch, necessitating another trip to the eponymous jacuuzi so that he, Craig Robinson and Clark Duke can track down the shooter — this time travelling to the future. John Cusack has been replaced by Adam Scott, but even that’s not enough to win me around.

Insidious: Chapter 3/Sinister 2

Insidious 3The most exciting thing about Insidious and Sinister upon their respective ’10 and ’12 releases was that they were a bit different. At a time when the horror genre was dominated by sequels, remakes and reboots they dared to nightmare up something, if not new, then at least relatively novel. The fact that they have since gone on to produce franchises of their own (to be joined by the equally disappointing The Conjuring 2 in 2016) goes against everything that made the original films special. That they’re each starting fresh with new characters doesn’t help either.

Minions

MinionsWith Gru having gone it alone in Foxcatcher, it seems that his minions have been left to their own devices. Minions will see his little henchthings serve some of the most famous villains in history — Genghis Khan, Napoleon, and Dracula (haha…ha, get it? Hilarious) — before auditioning for the big bad of the 1960s: Scarlet Overkill. Unfortunately, with the synopsis promising a “threat to all minions” it’s sounds an awful lot like Penguins of Madagascar, which doesn’t bode well for Universal Pictures. After all, the original Despicable Me was practically identical to another DreamWorks Animation — Megamind — only inferior in just about every way.

Terminator Genisys

TerminatorThat title! For all Terminator Salvation‘s many, many flaws, at least it managed to spell its title correctly. How do you pronounce it? What does it mean? For goodness’ sake, why? Terminator fans are used to second-guessing the franchise — its timeline alone poses a number of unanswerable questions — but this is the first time they’ll be scratching their heads before the start of the movie. Good thing Hurricane Bale’s no longer involved, or the person who thought Genisys up would likely be in for a battering.

Fantastic Four

With the superhero genre reaching saturation point — there are as many as thirty comic book movies due out in the next five years — it takes a special kind of alien/mutant/billionaire-playboy-philanthropist to stand out. Fantastic Four couldn’t even distinguish itself in the years before Marvel Studios (and its MCU) had monopolised the genre, and there is no evidence to suggest that the reboot will be any different. It’s hard to remember a film that has generated such negative buzz prior to release (even Tim Story’s sequel was given the benefit of the doubt), and when even the amazing Spider-man can’t guarantee box office success you really need every positive word you can get. It’s out in August and we’ve not even had a poster yet.

London Has Fallen

London Has FallenI haven’t seen the first one admittedly, but with only ten months to go until the release of the sequel I can’t imagine myself having the time or the inclination to catch up with it in time.

Spectre

SpectreSkyfall was great. Really great. After one of the most pointless reboots imaginable — and whether you liked Casino Royale or not, there’s no denying that Quantum of Solace undermined it completely — Eos’ James Bond franchise had arguably the most convoluted and confused continuities in cinema (while also being the most inconsistent in terms of quality). Nevertheless, screenwriters Neal Purvis, Robert Wade and John Logan managed to mark the 50th anniversary of Dr No in style, with a celebration of the character, concept and iconography that felt not only coherent but conclusive. It had taken twenty three attempts to get it right but the studio had finally produced the definitive 007 movie. Although director Sam Mendes was subsequently tempted back for another instalment, it already feels like a compromise. Do we really have go through all this again?

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About popcornaddiction
I am a psychology graduate, a News Writer for HeyUGuys/BestforFilm and, most importantly, a hopeless popcorn addict.

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